Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Police

Monday, 5 May 2014

A young mum in East London is on the verge of losing "several thousand pounds" that had been pushed through her door on Christmas Eve. It was a surprise because normally in that area of London it's dog shit rather than twenty pound notes. The lady (who has asked to remain anonyms) called the police as a precaution and because she'd done nothing wrong she had the money swiftly confiscated.

A police spokesman has subsequently told her that without the "donor" of the money coming forward and proving that it's a gift. The money may well be handed over to the Government as the proceeds of crime.
Upon hearing this utter bullshit spewing from our police force BATTL news had a chat with one of our sources at the local police station. We know him well because of our two public nudity charges. He said:

"The police are probably covering their own backs on this one. The money was handed to them over Christmas and no doubt got spent on the departments Christmas party. They've now started to panic and made up some nonsense about the donor needing to come forward. They know the chances of that are minimal so they think their safe."

The courts allow benefit cheats to get away with robbing the system and force them to pay back only the minimal of their stolen loot.

However someone commits a random act of kindness and the police immediately confiscated the cash, start shouting about "the proceeds of crime" and buy themselves a bottle of brandy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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