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Saturday, 3 May 2014

image for London tube strike to proceed
London underground train network - selfishly closing down for a day off since 1865

A planned 72-hour tube strike is to go ahead on Monday, causing massive disruption to commuters, tourists and people attempting the "Tube Challenge" to visit every station as quickly as possible. The strike follows a similar 48-hour one this week.

According to rail union chief Fred Ludd, the strike is about ticket office closures and job cuts, which will leave many stations with only machines selling tickets. Mr Ludd said he thought that stations should be manned at all times. "You can't have machines doing the work," he explained. "They're in a different union."

Some train lines in London have been fully automated, and will be unaffected by the strike. There have been suggestions to make all tube lines driverless, which is something that Ludd also rejects. "That would be morally wrong," he said. "Robots can't drive trains as well as humans can, that's just common sense. And with all the suicides that we have on the tube network, I don't know how you're going to find enough robot psychiatrists to help them cope when they run somebody over."

Ludd then explained his motivation behind organising the strike. "I'll be honest, I'm a stubborn man. I also enjoy daytime television and I'm hoping to see a lot of it during the next week. I believe that if you don't get what you want, then you should make as much fuss about it as possible. You need to cause a lot of hassle and scream as loudly as you can. That's how adults deal with their problems."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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