Expert on everything Michael Gove is to take part in the next Top Gear series. To prevent the loss of a presenter by any kind of mishap, the show will be presented by a rota of invited celebrity "guests".
Petrol Head Gove will be first and will give advice about talking bullshit and politically incorrect ad libbing to the other three presenters. Instead of superstars like Tom Cruise doing timed circuits they will race against Michael Gove who will be driving a pimped up Citroen 2CV.
The new show will try to spread the ad-lib risk around by having Jeremiah Clarksville interview The Duke of Edinburgh, Princess Anne and a mixed bag of UKIP wannabes. New ideas include obstacle courses, prizes for opening correct boxes with Nole Edmonds and Dancing Interludes with Tess Daly.
More females about the place will attract upskirt flash spotters and Alex Jones and Susannah Reed may be asked to contribute topical news flashes.