Written by Auntie Jean
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Saturday, 26 April 2014

image for BBC Heartbeat to Return With No Yorkshire Characters At All
1960s Yorkshire Police

In the new series of Yorkshire Moors based police drama Heartbeat, the actors are all to speak with regionless accents, a BBC spokesperson said this morning. "The majority of viewers for dumbed down rubbish like this are from London and the Home Counties anyway and don't like Northerners".

"We were going to use any East End Equity card holders for cheapness and simplicity but it didn't really flow on the Pilot show. We will be using the odd washed out Scouse "has been" actor though. The actors we will be using are all "Luvvies" that for some reason our casting department know well"

"The programme is being made by ITV and sold to us anyway to make sure unions don't get on the gravy train. The formula works with Yorkshire based "Emmerdale" set in rural Yorkshire with 100% Scouse actors or Queen's English speakers. People don't bother any more with accents since Kevin Coster's Bronx born Robin Hood".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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