Written by Jack Allen
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Thursday, 24 April 2014

image for Cameron: "Hey OAPS! I love Countdown too!"
"I'll have four big ones and a moist one from the bottom please Rachel."

David Cameron is to publicly state how much he enjoys Countdown, his slippers and a good ol' cuppa tea, to try and garner more votes from people who probably won't be around for the next general election.

Cameron is on his second week of shamelessly pandering to a different group of voters, who cannot stand the smug Christian cunt, by planning to watch TV with warm feet and a warm brew.

Cameron stated today: "This should turn some of those racist, stuck in the muds! I mean, I'm like them in so many ways. They'll all come over to the dark...No! I mean the blue side of politics!"

Aides close to the PM state that the Prime Minister has an abundance in common with old age pensioners that David will play on in his upcoming statement. Cameron is supposedly stubborn when he is faced with facts, feels the need to unnecessarily repeat sentences 72 times and he apparently falls for obvious cons when sleazy men in suits turn up at his door.

However, the plan to persuade the elderly population to vote Tory is highly unlikely as Nick Clegg's youthful looks reminds every coffin dodger of their cute grandchildren.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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