Written by D P Whitehead
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Thursday, 24 April 2014

image for Russian Navy Steal Isle of Man
Has is eyes on Guernsey Also

The Government is holding emergency talks with Russia after the Russian navy stole the Isle of Man and moved it to within just 1 mile of the Russian coast in an attempt to catapult the UK into the Ukraine/Russian war.

The daring raid took place late last night under the cover of darkness and involved over 200 tugs and 2000 miles of rope.

Despite earlier reports, no casualties were incurred on the Island though several buildings were damaged and crockery smashed as the earth literally moved.

One Islander reported that several snow globes, part of his vast collection, perished during the theft and one man claimed several pictures hanging on his bathroom wall fell crashing to the ground; but luckily no damage was done and he returned them to their original positions once the Island reached its new geographical location.

Crowds in Moscow welcomed the news with many Russian screaming like baboons, setting fire to Union Flags and eating candy floss.

Sir Elton John, in Moscow for a series of concerts, was pelted with soft fruit including dates and prunes as he returned to his hotel and has suspended his tour of Eastern Europe.

It is understood that a flotilla consisting of over 300 tugs, crewed by cockneys and scousers is being readied as Britain prepares to steal back the Island and tow it back to its original position.

As yet no Russian has set foot on the Island however it is understood that Russia is now claiming full sovereignty of the Island and that plans are afoot to construct a bridge linking the islands to the Russian mainland.

Other British islands, including the Isle of Wight and Jersey, are now surrounded by Royal Navy frigates to prevent any further thefts of British territory.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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