Written by Jack Allen
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Topics: Driving

Monday, 28 April 2014

image for Clegg - "All Drivers Are Garbage - Except You That Is!"
"Anyone else doing this would be dangerous."

The Government is to disband the DVLA, and therefore the need to obtain a driver's license, to ensure that your opinion that everyone else on the road is shit at driving except for you is valid.

The Government have decided to follow through with this potentially catastrophic decision due to new research stating that breaking this collective thinking would be "catastrophic to the everyday motorist", who can incidentally parallel park perfectly whilst high, texting and telling their kids to shut it. Nick Clegg said today, "Every male and female who has graced our roads has at some point come to the conclusion that everyone else is dog shit at driving and should fuck right off. For this to be true we have taken away the need to get a driver's license because everyone is awful anyway."

Chris Huhne, head of government research, also said today, "hopefully this move will encourage drivers to feel better about their driving skills, and therefore themselves. If an unqualified driver kills a few people, just say it wasn't you. They'll never be able to prove it!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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