Written by Jack Allen
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Wednesday, 16 April 2014

image for Squatter Pissing Off Sajid Javid
The squatter is incredibly amused by his actions

Sajid Javid, the new minister for Culture Media and Sport, is furious due to a squatter holding him to ransom over the price of his latest house.

Sajid was in the latter stages of buying his fifth, and therefore his most important house, when the incident occurred. Sajid was finalising a deal with the estate agent, seeing him pay face value for the house, when an unknown person ran into the house and locked all of the doors.

After calming down, Sajid was then passed a note under the door that read, "I do not want to live here but you do. How much do you really want to live here?"

Sajid tried to get the unknown man prosecuted but was quickly told by the estate agent that the current government does not frown upon this kind of entrepreneurial work. It is rumoured that Sajid has left without purchasing the house and that he is "infuriated" that he has had to "settle" for owning only four different properties.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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