Written by Auntie Jean
Print this

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

image for Images of Crucifixion - Sales Boom
Easter Island - no crucifixion link

Govenment experts puzzling over pre-Easter sales of crucifixion memorabilia are analysing possible reasons. One currently popular reason is that it is a sign of support for the return of the barbaric form of capital punishment.

"A leading historian has also put forward a theory that before all the chocolate feasts, sofa buying frenzies and egg rolling, there was a link to a possible infamous execution which took place as recently as a couple of thousand years ago.

In the event of any referendum coming out in favour of crucifixion, the method would not be the same. One can reasonably assume that the scarcity of wood may have to be expressed in the economics of crucifixion in that the crossbar as well as the upright would need to be used repeatedly. Thus, reducing the incidence of traumatic injury to the forearm and metacarpals of the hand.

The arms of the condemned person could be tied rather than nailed to the cross. Historically, there is ample literary and artistic evidence for the use of ropes rather than nails to secure the condemned to the cross.(using wooden crosses), but new high tech servo driven robotic crosses could now be used which would drive themselves to the convicted criminal's house, give them a last meal, secure them and kill them slowly.

Make Auntie Jean's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 plus 3?

7 11 6 22
57 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more