Written by Craig of D.
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Topics: Government, Steps

Friday, 21 November 2003

image for Exaggeration leads to arrest
Heather Small - proverb activist.

The Government have today introduced new plans to outlaw the use of over-exaggeration in public places. To create a safer country, several new laws have been proposed. As Home Secretary David Blunkett steps up his campaign to make the United Kingdom a safer place, over-exaggeration is just one of the linguistic features he wishes to deal with. Specifically, a law to place a minimum two-year prison sentence on over-exaggeration. They result after a letter to the MP, denoting a man's hatred for his sister's "constant exaggeration".

Stephan Noakes, a 32-year-old civil servant from Cheshire, told local reporters that his sister had a somewhat blatant disregard for the truth.

"She had just got back home from work", said Stephan, "when she told me that there was millions of cars on the road. There clearly wasn't, it's only a dual-carraigeway. What made it worse is that she told me she had loads of time to tell me the story, yet she only had 17 minutes".

Conversational features have long been a hangup for the present Government, who have been tentative to push through new laws against certain things. However, it seems Mr. Blunkett, and the Cabinet as a whole, are now taking a firm stand on it. John Prescott was quizzed about conversational crime on Radio4 yesterday, and insisted the plans are here to stay.

"Over-exaggeration is wrong, and needs to be punished. Lets be honest, if it weren't for people like this, we wouldn't need all of this high security from terrorism"

Laws on tightening the use of other proverbs is still going through planning stages, though activists throughout the phrase believe proverbs should be left alone.

Heather Small is just one of many who dislike any new changes. "Proverbs need to be left alone" said the songstress, "If I can't wake up and say 'Many a Mickle makes a Muckle', why bother living?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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