Written by Shortty
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Topics: Liverpool

Saturday, 5 April 2014

image for What a load of sh*t
This poor woman was covered after nodding off while sun bathing

Polish cleaners, already the most popular in Britain are rushing to England to satisfy the huge demand for them after the Saharan dust that fell this week. Tens of thousands of them will be required to give the entire country a good clean up after the sand settled almost everywhere.

One resident of Knightsbridge, Lady Helen Huntington-Fitzwilliam complained "It was awful. All fifteen of my Range Rovers look like they have been driven through the desert. It is outrageous that this can happen here. Have you got any idea how much we pay in council tax?" She went on "I will have to get one of those foreign women in now. The cars and windows are filthy. She can sleep in the stables and if i like the look of her and none of the silver goes missing, i might keep her on. I expect plenty of applications too, six pounds an hour is a lot of money where these people come from".

People from all corners of the country are complaining about the terrible conditions in their neighbourhoods. Stig Collymore from Liverpool told us "this is unbeleivable. The streets are absolutely filthy, eveything is covered in dirt, even the people are covered in this disgusting grime". These comments have surprised the Met Office however. Their spokesman Abu Fish revealed "this is bizarre. Our computers are a hundred percent accurate and they told us that Liverpool was almost the only place in the country where no sand fell".

Some of the recent arrivals from Poland have got to work on the clean up already. One, Dorota Zbigniew said " I come from hard place. No job, much crime, dirt in air and very tough life. I want better way so i no go to the Liverpool". Thousands of others are expected here very soon and this is good new for the women of Britain who refuse to do manual work for minimum wage and don't want to miss Jeremy Kyle anyway, and also for the men of Britain who will be delighted at the huge influx of tidy skirt to stare at at bus stops.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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