Written by Dogooder Dave
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Saturday, 11 November 2006

image for Jon Snow Gets Them Out For The Lads
Soviet Advice: Have you taken care of your breasts? Wash your nipples with cold water every day!

Veteran Channel 4 newscaster Jon Snow has rumbustiously defended his recently dented honour by agreeing to promote Breast Cancer awareness.

November arrives with British television screens awash with a sea of red in memory of those who have lost their lives to the cruel but inevitable, fates of war. Critics wailed at Snow's "Cry For Freedom" in refusing to sully his left breast with such an adornment.

Mr Snow had bravely stood against poppy propaganda protagonists by flouncing into Channel 4's newsroom screeching that he wouldn't be seen dead wearing some poncy flower thing in his neatly pressed lapels. "Our lads died for the right to be free and I will not be dictated to by any floribunda fascist" avowed Snow " ...never mind some horrendous colour clash with one of my outre neckties".

Snow has hit back at suggestions that his stance will see the end of civilisation as we know it by undertaking to beat his beraters by broadcasting bulletins baring his bra beswaddled breasts.

A Channel 4 spokesperson announced "Jon has come in for a hard time by refusing to wear a poppy but we are pleased to see that he has undertaken to outdo his cousin Peter, in the Swingometer stakes by dangling his donglers in the furtherance of dogooding".

"Jon maybe made a boob, not falling in with the herd. He does not wear a bra in his private life but has often delayed broadcasts adjusting his straps just before he goes on air. We are delighted that he has decided to show he is as good as the rest of us by taking this opportunity to promote a worthy cause on air and he has our full support."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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