Written by Auntie Jean
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Tuesday, 1 April 2014

image for Boris to Clone Hitlers to make new London Traffic Wardens
Harmless Clone

Boris Jackson has begun production of Hitler clones that will pull in more revenue from the London Councils. The Councils, which generate an income of £70 million from parking crimes, can double this with the new clones according to Boris. He believes that the genetically engineered copies of the Nazi dictator will ensure Councils hit parking fine targets.

A spokesman for the worshipful society of traffic wardens said: "Everyone knows Hitler was, despite his flaws, adept at running a well-organised road service".

"We've tweaked the clones to be really focused on that and hopefully not so evil, though obviously there's a learning curve. They will also be able to deliver babies and drive buses in an emergency".

The initial batch of 600 Hitlers will begin as parking enforcement Hitler Youths, given latitude to punish fine-dodgers with extreme prejudice.

"If the program is successful, London Councils will offer the Hitlers' finely tuned administrative abilities to train batches of wardens in Czechoslovakia, Austria, Poland and eventually the whole world".

The spokesman added: "Ongoing affection for the character George from George and Mildred proves that the public responds well to moustachioed authority figures.

"If this works, we'll keep the production line going and outsource the clones to become Park attendants, football stewards and PCSOs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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