David Cameron has welcomed the latest UN predictions on climate change. In a break from his busy schedule visiting the toilets at Bognor Regis he gave an exclusive interview to your fearless reporter.
'Let me say, first of all, that Bognor Regis compares very well with Waterloo. I found both had managed to deal with green crap very well. But the common brown variety was present in abundance and I found myself deeply in it!'
This refers to the Prime Minister's declaration recently that his Government had dealt very well with 'green crap' by stopping the Energy Companies having to worry about polluting the atmosphere.
When it came to answering the question of the government having claimed to be the greenest ever Government Cameron had no apologies. 'After the mess left to us by the previous government we have taken great strides in formulating a green policy' he said.
In a further off the cuff remark, which the PM may live to regret, he snarled 'If it hadn't been for those pathetic LibDems we could have dropped the green shit altogether.' Further global warming is predicted to result from the announcement.