Written by Joe Leff
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Sunday, 30 March 2014

image for Giant axis found in shopping centre
Wooooooaaaaahhhhh!

Shoppers at Gateshead's largest shopping centre had to leave hurriedly when the centre began to spin around faster than usual.

A team of retail scientists specializing in shopping centres rushed to the scene, and pinpointed the exact centre of the shopping centre.

Floor managers, working as assistant excavationists, then found this massive axis around which the centre was revolving.

One customer said she was used to lifts and escalators going up and down, "but going round and round is a new sensation for me."

Some shoppers had been there for several days, just going round and round. One reluctant husband of an enthusiastic shopper commented that "it feels like this every day for us."

After being evacuated from the shopping centre, dizzy and distressed shoppers were being cared for by retail therapists and spin doctors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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