Ballybollox Castle, Berks - Bookies' odds of even money were hurriedly snapped up this weekend just as the UK government posted emergency briefs about the ageing Queen 'going down with the lurgi' after an earwig was found inside the royal's pants.
According to ancient UK-USA Cold War agreements in charge of such stuff Queen Elizabeth must be spared the ultimate insult of dropping dead on April 1st 'because it would make her reign look a total bloody laughing stock'.
Palace rumors have long suggested HM is permanently hooked up to a daily cocktail of fountain of youth drugs synthesised by royal apothecaries from an original Pentagon recipe used to pacify Guantanamo inmates.
And that the mystery patent holder of the said medication is Texas resident and former US President George Herbert Bush, her only lawfully wedded husband who stands to inherit a packet when she drops dead.
The ninety-something old rascal is thought to be virtually broke after backing the wrong horse in Ecuador's failed $19.2nillion shakedown of supermajor Chevron.
A copy of his dismal credit rating can be obtained right here from online bookies Aintgottaprayer.con.