Global "we haven't found anything" news is catching on as reporters all over the world are having to stay at home and forego luxury hotels abroad.
"Its always better for ghoulish reporters if a plane crashes somewhere on land for instance Acapulco or Bangkok" a monster told our reporter this morning. "With this one there's only the distraught relatives to upset even more.
"Its so boring that "Do nothing Dave" Cameron looks interesting by comparison. We usually make stories up when it gets this bad, but we only have to put "Plane" in the headline to sell newspapers, so we don't have to.
"Anyway there's some footage around of Eric Pickles yawning, so I'll have to go now, I'm sorry."