Written by Auntie Jean
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Tuesday, 25 March 2014

image for Pledge to Make Whiskey Taste Nice if Scots Win Independence Vote
Not to everyone's taste

A pledge has been made by Jacobite, Alexei Salmon to make Scotch Whiskey palatable if he is crowned King of Scotland after the Independence vote.

Scotland's nasty National beverage which was once used to induce vomiting after cases of poisoning will be made to taste like the more civilised spirits, Cognac and Vodka if Scotland win the crucial vote.

Salty porridge to be made illegal

A number of sweeping changes will be made to all forms of unpleasant Scottish food and drink, said Laird Alexei of Balamory. Salty porridge and oily kippers will no longer be compulsory eating at Hotels in the country.

Iron Brew, the sickly "Day Glo" liquid sold north of England's protective barrier, Hadrian's Wall will be made from fizzy lemons and re-branded as a pale yellow beverage. Men will not have to walk around in their Wives' cast off tartan skirts and underwear.

The measures are intended to put a civilised front on the wild, barbaric Nation which has no roads and billions of midges.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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