Harrogate in North Yorkshire, a residential care town for the aged is to be closed down, due to new EU regulations. A rigourous inspection by "God Complexed" expert on everything, Michael Glove has revealed that people have been dying of natural causes and old age there.
Glove has diverted money from an EU susidy on hot water bottles and Werthers Original toffees for the elderly to build a giant trampoline on the site. Featurng a high jumping platform and three square miles of foam around it, the trampoline will be for the exclusive use of women with large breasts.
Thought to act as a natural reduction therapy, the trampoline is intended to save the NHS billions of pounds in surgery costs. An offer to turn the entire new trampoline complex into a nightclub after dark by Sir Peter Stringfellow has been rejected for health and safety reasons. Assurances have been given that the Paparazzi will be kept at bay and no photographs, voluntarily submitted or otherwise will be made available to anyone in the media industry.