Written by D P Whitehead
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Saturday, 22 March 2014

image for As Russia And Ukraine Head Towards War English Troops Massing At Scottish Border
A Typical Scottish Woman In Traditional Head Gear

The UN has announced that it is concerned with reports claiming English troops are massing at the Scottish border, drawing parallels between Russia and Ukraine.

Sunday's referendum held in Ukraine's Crimea region, which resulted in Crimea becoming an independent nation, is being compared with what could occur six months from now, when Scots will go to the polls to vote on the future of their country.

It's a vote that could end Scotland's 300-year union with England and Wales as Great Britain -- and see it launch into the world as an independent nation of some 5.3 million people, most of them ginger haired.

However, English Prime Minister, Cameron Diaz, has assured Scottish leader, Salman Rushdie, that the troops re-deployed to the North of England are not planning an invasion.

"No," said Cameron, "They are there to ensure no Scottish people sneak into England, head to London, where they may set up home in cardboard boxes in tube stations, drinking extra strength lager, swearing at tourists and headbutting each other."

In AD 122, during the rule of emperor Hadrian, the Romans built an 80 mile wall, to keep Scottish barbarians from entering England, unfortunately, as the wall was only 3 feet high in places, it only really prevented Scottish midgets and dwarfs, and amputees, from heading south.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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