With accident rates on British roads at an all time low, it has been necessary to bring in new traffic laws in order to provide the existing force with crimes to arrest people for.
"We had a bit of a brainstorm," said traffic officer, Nick Themall. "We've come up with a few new laws we can enact."
The first law to be passed will see anybody not setting off within five seconds of a traffic light changing to green being forced to retake their driving test.
"There will be exceptions," said Themall, "like if you've not set off because an arthritic tortoise is crossing in front of you, or a policeman has lain down to prevent you setting off. In both off these cases, you should run them over."
It is now a moving violation to turn right without indicating.
"Although, we'll let you go left without an indicator," said Nick. "At least for now."
If right turners are spotted in the outside lane of a roundabout, they will be hung drawn and quartered in front of their families.
"This seems extreme," said Nick. "But when it happens, it's bloody annoying! So we think the punishment fits the crime."
The final new infringement will be having fog lights on when it's not foggy.
"They're called fog lights for a reason," said Themall. "The punishment, again, first the crime, we think. They will be forced to drive backwards everywhere they go for a week."