Written by Talking Tic-Tacs
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Thursday, 20 March 2014

image for Budget favourable to People with Bingo Wings
House! I can't afford it due to your bedroom tax.

Chancellor George Osborne has hailed his Budget as one for "makers, doers and savers...with bingo wings" after many measures made seemed to favour those with excess flesh around their upper arm area.

The ability for those exhibiting surplus arm skin to carry out the precise activity which prolongs it and gives it its moniker was greatly enhanced with the reduction in duty that bingo halls have to pay from 20 to 10 percent. Therefore encouraging more bingo-wingerry.

It was also announced a whole penny will be taken off the price of a pint, clearly enticing people to resist exercise and remain in the bosom of a bar, boozing. While at the same time saving, literally, pennies. Though also, unfortunately, bingo-wings.

There were also specific moves made to appeal to that prime bingo-wing demographic of old people, who continue to legitimize our political system by being largely the only ones who vote in it.

Indeed a miraculously new found trust in the elderly to make decisions for themselves was revealed with pensioners now allowed to withdraw lump sums from their pension pot. Perhaps for purchasing pot, who knows.

While increased rate saving bonds for pensioners were also introduced, providing more capital to expend on luxurious calorific foodstuff and in all probability expand their exceptionally large mass of flesh around their upper limbs.

Meanwhile Conservative party chairman Grant "hardworking families" Shapps has come under fire for a post-Budget poster which uses the word 'they' and characterizes working classes as Bingo playing alcoholics.

"I wholeheartedly apologise, hardworking families, for any offence caused" said Shapps, "I'll be sure to remember drug dependency and football next time."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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