Written by Joe Leff

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Monday, 17 March 2014

A 40-year-old man had to have hospital treatment after he ate his own finger.

Ivor Wonmissin, from Gateshead, was poking about trying to pick out bits of meat that had got stuck in his teeth after his meal, when he accidentally bit into his index finger.

"Trouble was," he said, "we didn't have a pudding, and my finger tasted quite nice. So I just kept nibbling away. Next thing I knew my whole finger had gone. The knuckles were delicious."

At the hospital Mr Wonmissin was stitched up and foul-tasting barrier cream was rubbed into his remaining fingers.

His wife has promised to make sure they always have a dessert with every meal. "He's a bit of a glutton, and he's always biting his nails."

And now it's just been reported that several other hungry blokes in Gateshead have been trying out this 'digit-eating' stuff.

Jamie Oliver is already devising a new 'finger-buffet' recipe for posh people in Gateshead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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