Written by KendoMonkey
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Topics: Animals, Eating, Giraffe

Wednesday, 8 November 2006

A woman from Buxbury, West Sussex, and her husband have been arrested on charges of consuming, and aiding and abetting the consumption (respectively) of a giraffe. The as-yet-unnamed couple were caught on the 11 November having finished their supper, during which the woman ate the rump of the giraffe. The man, it has been rumoured, had fish. Police arrested them and are holding them for questioning.

The law, created in 1910 protects giraffes, turtles and penguins from being eaten and was created as a result of Great Britain's colonial growth. Wealthy Victorians imported large numbers of the animals into England to consume during hoi-polloi buffets and the like. The sweet-meats of the penguin in particular were very popular.

The arrested couple claim never to have heard of the law and are shocked and appalled. Through a statement released by their solicitors, they announced:

"My clients had never heard of the law and were surprised that it exists. My clients maintain that the giraffe was already dead and had died of natural causes. They did not import the animal, they had reared it since it was calf in their back-yard. The meat did not taste like chicken."

Animal Rights groups have been in uproar since hearing of the case and are contemplating eating the couple's friends and family in order that they "see how they like it". Naturally this puts them in something of a quandary since they are all vegetarian.

[For those who are unaware, the term "having a giraffe" is cockney rhyming slang for "having a barf".]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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