Written by Shortty
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Topics: Sex

Monday, 10 March 2014

image for My neighbour's orgasm broke my conservatory roof
Residents with the keenest hearing suffered the worst

A woman from Grimsby has a whole street to herself after ALL of her neighbours moved out because of her noisy lovemaking. Lucy Cox 34, says she has a "normal, healthy sex life" but it would seem the former residents of Enderweigh Close would strongly disagree. One of her next door neighbours moved out almost as soon Miss Cox moved in.

Sharon Gibbs told us "my Dave works at the airport, and he says he's never heard a noise like it. Also, it was making him feel inadequate and causing problems, if you know what I mean. Now we're living with his mum, and that's not bringing his confidence back either".

Other people started moving out in the weeks that followed, unable to sleep through Miss Cox' nightly screams of ecstasy.

Her boyfriend Jimmy Love has lost several friends and his job because of the situation as his mates have shunned him after losing THEIR jobs after being too exhausted to go in.

Mr Love always seemed to make it to work, but then spent the whole day drinking Red Bull and taking cocaine and was sacked. The last straw was when one of Mr Loves friends spiked his drink with viagra on his birthday.

The next morning everybody within eighty yards of their house had moved out, with two families actually emigrating, and Jimmy was admitted to hospital with his back in a brace.

Police visited the house that morning but Miss Cox had to complain about their conduct.

She said "I didn't like the look of the young one with the hair from the start. Then instead of saying "Are you Miss Cox"? He said "Do you Miss Cox"? After that he said he was going to take down my particulars, and would I come quietly. He said it with a straight face, but as soon as they were out the door they both burst out laughing. I don't think it's funny, especially as the hospital rang two minutes later and said that Dave has slipped a disc, cracked three ribs and ruptured his spleen. I don't know what I'm going to do".

Tensions escalated to the point where the only remaining resident was ironically Miss Cox' other next door neighbour Gerald Winter, 84. He said " I noticed everyone moving away but I am ninety five percent deaf so I usually don't hear anything of Lucy. Then on Jimmy's birthday I woke up when some ceiling plaster landed on my face. I went to the window to look outside, and just then I heard a blood-curdling scream and my conservatory roof collapsed. I'm leaving too now, it's not safe round here any more. It's a shame because I fought for this country but I am very frightened of their sex".

Sent from my iPad

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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