Written by CaptainSausage
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 8 March 2014

image for Government to introduce independently run "free hospitals"
Ambulances will be replaced by medi-minicabs if you go to a free hospital

Following the "success" of the independently run free schools in England, the Prime Minister is to announce that a similar scheme will be introduced for hospitals.

Like free schools, anyone would be able to start their own hospital and compete with other medical centres for patients and for NHS funds. "It'll be brilliant," said Mr Cameron. "No longer will people be forced to go to their nearest hospital when they are sick. They'll be able to choose from dozens."

Customer choice is the main motivation behind the scheme, although commentators have suggested that lowering the NHS bill might be possible if it is a success. Already religious groups, leech doctors and hobby surgeons have signed up to register their interest in starting a hospital. It is likely that the first one could be opened as early as next year.

Critics have denounced the idea. Daily Blah columnist Carmen Senza said that free schools were not a success at all and there should be no rush to emulate that pattern. "All you end up with is a bunch of publicly funded private schools run by idiots. Admittedly that isn't much different from before, but at least before the idiots were under some central control so could they be sacked. And the standards were broadly the same. Now we've got a UKIP school, a Satanist school, and even a Christian fundamentalist school, heaven forbid! What will happen when they all get their own hospitals?"

Medical entrepreneur Khan O'Ball thought differently. "I can't wait to start my own liver and kidney unit and charge people a fortune to use it - obviously I mean charge the government because my patients won't be paying at all. Even if they're lucky enough to get out alive I wouldn't dream of charging them. No, I'll send my whole bill to the NHS. I might even leave a tip."

Make CaptainSausage's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 4?

6 4 7 24

Go to top