Written by Patrick Parkinson

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Friday, 28 February 2014

image for Russell Brand Amassing Underground Army To Overthrow Government

It's been six months since Russell Brand's interview with Jeremy Paxman on "Newsnight" in which he predicted a revolution against the current government. Not many took it seriously, but fast forward to this week and I'm being led down a dark and dingy sewer.

The only light that can be seen is from the flickering of a blowtorch melding a giant tank with the initials "R.B." written on them. I am finally brought to a lanky figure stood in the shadows.

It is revealed to be the comedian Russell "Why my darling have you come down here to my humble home?" says Brand smiling a joker-esque grin. Behind him are long halls filled with mercenaries in the middle of combat training. He informs me for the last few months he has been gathering an army in the sewers of London that will soon rise up and take power from the Conservatives.

Many experts had pointed out Russell's fragile state of mind was clear in a Guardian newspaper article he wrote last October in which he rambled on about problems with society and invented words that didn't exist. However many didn't notice this journalistic "cry for help" as all his articles usually ramble on and are filled with invented words.

"We are the oxygen that has been forcibly taken underground and soon we will release ourselves into a world of carbon dioxide in the labyrinth of our capital." He continues "We will free the enslaved from the pitiful proletariat and the boastful bourgeois creating an egalitarian state full of ecstasy and equality" Russell rants for another ten minutes. During this time I managed to escape his subterranean prison when he left me to fetch a thesaurus to show off how many more large words he can fit into his speech.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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