Jamey Olivier, the Nemesis of bad school dinners and the infamous Turkey Twizzlers has been asked by the new Kiev government to smarten up its defining dish, Chicken Kiev. "I'm a little busy at the moment, shovelling money into the bank but I know what the problem is", Jamey said.
"I think that extruded mechanically stripped meat is being stuffed with lard and garlic and rolled in breadcrumbs, wrapped in horse meat and sold as value Chicken Kiev.
"Now that Ukraine is "born again" albeit at considerable human life loss, this nasty value food range is not what they deserve. A brand new democracy needs the very best Chicken Kiev and I know how to make Chicken Kiev that fucking rocks, man!".