"The chronic Ronnie shortage is set to destroy "nostalgia " on British television by 2016", a nostalgia expert, Dennis Noorden told our T.V. correspondent. "At Christmas it is as traditional as mince pies to watch comedians imitate newsreaders saying 'and it's goodnight from him' ' decades after all the news programmes dropped that format".
"Now the Chancellor is trying to safeguard the future of crap T.V. by giving bigger personal allowances to prospective parents of Ronnies".
"Previous Ronnies have included Ronald McDonald, Ronnie Reagan, Ron White and Ron Weasly. People need hilarious sketches based on ancient and long since irrelevant music hall acts of world war 1. When you are trapped all day with your mother in law at Christmas it is the 'icing on he cake' to have to watch massively uncool television"', a long suffering husband said today. The only thing I can think of that's less funny than the newsreader sketch is waking up with an S. T .D."