Written by Lord Number Nine
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Tuesday, 25 February 2014

image for Alastair Darling reveals he is Droopy's lovechild
Alistair Darling: Son of Droopy

In an astonishing revelation, former Chancellor Alistair Darling today announced he is the lovechild of cartoon misery pooch, Droopy.

Darling, head of the Better Together campaign, made the startling discovery while filming a new series of 'Who Do You Think You Are?' for the BBC. Research uncovered new documents which proved that the unhappy hound was Darling's real father following a fling in the early 50's when Darling was born. It went on to say he was subsequently adopted and raised oblivious to his famous father.

It is not know who his mother is but today the internet was rife with rumours as to the true identity. By far the most common guess was Betty Boop, thus explaining Darling's odd 'black and white' look, mixed in with his father's ability to be droll, dour and dismal no matter the situation.

And in another twist, Darling revealed he is to step down as head of Better Together in an attempt to get to know his father.

Better Together acted swiftly, appointing John Major's Spitting Image puppet to take over with immediate effect.

A spokesperson said: "We can't think of anyone more dull or appropriate to take the helm. We'll make sure he has nice peas for dinner".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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