Written by Gee Pee
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Friday, 21 February 2014

She's smarter than Abraham Lincoln (I. Q. 128), Bill Clinton (I. Q. 137), Napoleon Bonaparte (I. Q. 145) Sigmund Freud (I. Q. 156), Benjamin Franklin (I. Q. 160), and even Stephen Hawking (I Q. 160). Three-year-old Alice Amos, of the United Kingdom (UK) has an I. Q. so high that it is both astonishing and astounding. Her brain weighs in at an I. Q. of 162!

Able to tie her own shoes, recite her ABCs, count to 10, and play hopscotch-backwards!-the unassuming tot spends her time fingerprinting, building with blocks, and "playing doctor" with her doll as her patient.

She's also the youngest member of I-Mental, the religious cult devoted to the worship of high I. Q.

A native of Guilford, Surrey, she is studying the Bible, "looking for loopholes," she says, with an innocuous laugh. So far, she admits, she hasn't found any.

She also enjoys Aesop's fables. A favorite is the story of the sour grapes.

She has all the Disney princesses, for whom she has written obituaries, summarizing their life achievements, difficulties, and, of course, deaths. In her view, Snow White is the "dumbest of them all," although "they're all incredibly stupid."

She "aced" the Stanford-Benet I. Q. test, which measures fluid reasoning, knowledge, quantitative reasoning, visual-spatial processing, and working memory. She quickly reasoned that water is wetter than wood; knows how many fingers she has; can add one plus one; is able to fold a paper airplane; and has memorized her name-all at the tender age of three!

Despite Alice's controversial statements on abortion ("It's murder"), homosexuality ("It's asinine"), U. S. president Barack Obama ("He's a joke!"), transsexuals ("They're balmy"), and the UK ("It was better off as just plain England"), her parents say that they are "proud" of her.

So is her cult. "She's a prodigy," said Yo Momma, CEO of British I-Mental beamed. "We're lucky to have her to tutor us."

If only the world's leaders were as brilliant as she, Stevenage lamented, "the world would be a better place."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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