Written by Stephen Prime
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Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Top Gear tall man and human toffee apple, Jeremy Clarkson, has been sacked from the BBC after it was revealed that he cycles to his local shop rather than burning precious fossil fuel in a big V8 sports car.

The Top Gear presenter was found to have made several journeys in his local area, sometimes even travelling by foot to locations such as the post office and his local pub.

Locals say they never thought much of it, but the BBC is saying that walking and cycling promotes a view of transport that cannot be backed by large oil companies or sponsored off the books by sports car manufacturer's gifts.

Clarkson denies the claims, saying he even uses his car when driving home from the pub pissed, but the evidence suggests otherwise.

The international community has responded by setting fire to pedestrians and throwing petrol bombs at each other.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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