Housewife Gloria Red-Nees has denied flooding Somerset by leaving the bath taps running while at the hairdressers. Husband, Lord Farquharse Red- Nees said "Oh yes you did" to her this morning.
"I bloody well did not" said Gloria to our flooded counties reporter this morning. "Anyway I hope the environmentalists are satisfied now, we've got one enormous fucking bird sanctuary and no fucking county."
"Lib - Dem and Conservative strongholds are probably going to be underwater until the next election, " Nick Clegg commented.
"It's obviously Gloria's fault though, you can tell when she's lying, she won't look you in the eye." Clegg added. "Or it could be the previous labour government's fault, or even, I suppose, hard up students."