Written by Herrdoktorfox
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Topics: Police, Putney

Saturday, 25 January 2014

image for "...You got me partner!" - Ultimate 'cock-up' besets Putney's finest as he shoots himself in leg
Alice rushing to the Co-op....with sweet memories.

What has been described by Senior Police Sergeant Reg Basham of Putney Police Station, London as the ultimate 'cock-up', a highly trained and skilled officer from the Metropolitan Police Specialist Crime & Operations directorate has managed to shoot himself in the leg!

According to Sergeant Harry Basham he and his three station colleagues had just popped out to purchase some highly prized hot sausage rolls from the nearby Greggs bakery when unbeknownst to them a highly skilled officer from the Met Police Specialist Crime & Operations directorate nipped into their nick to relieve himself.

Seemingly, this highly skilled officer from the Met Police Crime & Operations directorate was in such dire need of a dump he actually picked the lock on the station door before dashing down a corridor seeking relief. Unable to find the station toilets fast enough this highly skilled officer from the Met Police Crime & Operations directorate panicked when he felt the 'head of the tortoise' and decided to drop everything behind the first available vacant desk he could find.

As he attempted to undo his belt and holster his Glock 17 pistol got entangled with his zipper and discharged, more or less at the same time as this highly skilled officer from the Met Police Crime & Operations directorate' bowels, resulting in the bullet entering his left leg and a classic 'Richard the Third' skidding across the floor!

Hearing the single shot as she shuffled past the Police Station entrance, elderly Putney resident Alice Mange, 82, deduced that something was amiss, very much like herself although she once 'entertained' a rather well built American Airman behind the Co-op back in 1943, but sadly he never stayed in contact with her. Quickly pulling out her iphone 4 Alice dialled 999 and asked the operator for the Police, it was about then that she realised that she was indeed outside a Police Station.

"Better send the other lot" screamed Alice, mentioning to the operator that she had heard a shot, within minutes she heard a multitude of sirens followed by the timely arrival, in no particular order of, a London Ambulance First responder, a London Ambulance and a bus load of heavily armed and skilled officers from the Met Police Crime & Operations directorate. Suddenly a large chopper appeared above her, the like of which Alice had not seen since 1943, which instantly brought back memories of her lost American love, as the London Air Ambulance hovered above.

Kicking the door down with their size elevens several highly skilled officers from the Met Police Crime & Operations directorate stormed the Police Station waving their MP5 machine guns left and right. After securing the building they discovered their wounded colleague laying on the floor up to his neck in muck and bullets and gingerly carried him out to the waiting Ambulance.

The IPCC has been informed, as is normal (?) in these circumstances, but the investigation remains with the MPS Directorate of professional Standards. Meanwhile, hospital staff have treated a man reported to be in his 30's and he has been named as Officer Wyatt Hickok a serving officer in the Met's Specialist Crime & Operations directorate and a descendent of the legendary Wild West hero, wild Bill.

In gratitude for her quick actions in dialling 999 Ms Alice Mange has been awarded a £3 Poundland Voucher and a free copy of the two disc special edition DVD, Top Gun by London Mayor Boris Johnson.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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