Written by Matt Brown
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Wednesday, 22 January 2014

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''Television literally imploded in disgust''

Samantha 'Stiff neck, prominent jaw line, unflinching eyes and mechanical mouth' Jones has caused surprise and uproar today after she was spotted showing what appeared to be some kind of human emotion.

After hearing about Tennis player Andy Murray missing the ball, she produced a wry turn up of the lips. It lasted a mere millisecond but yes it did happen! She was quickly unplugged at the mains by producer Phil 'The Producer'.

Many people now believe we do not need news readers. We can read for ourselves and have the capacity for independent thought without some bloated, smarmy faced spunk sandwich spoon-feeding us their clearly biased and agenda driven 'opinions'.

Ms. Jones has since been fired from her job presenting 'naked weather report' and is set to take over as anchor on Sunrise. People were getting quite sick of Eamon Holmes whipping his clothes off at the top of every hour and shouting 'BREAKING NEWS, I HAVE A SMALL PENIS'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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