Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 21 January 2014

image for Umbrella sales increased on Canal Street
Canal Street tomorrow

Canal Street, the area of Manchester frequented by the LGBT community, has only one corner shop, Azeef's; umbrella sales at this shop have increased four hundred fold since UKIP's announcement that gay marriage causes floods.

"I'm thinking of selling kayaks and inflatables," said Adil Azeef, owner of Azeef's Corner Shop.

Canal Street is so named because there is a canal running down one side, and many people are afraid that if the floods come, then the canal could overflow it's banks, rise up the twelve foot wall, and flow onto the street.

"This is especially likely," said Azeef, "because Via Bar has just got a licence for performing marriages."

Azeef is hopeful that he can sell a lot of umbrellas to the wedding parties when they come, as if gay marriages do cause floods, it will no doubt rain very hard during every ceremony.

"It could be good for business," he said. "I've also got some flood defences on order for the bars and shops. View will be all right, they have a stone floor. The others can come to me for sandbags."

The first of the weddings to take place in Via will take place next week, and a look at the weather forecast suggests that it will be raining in Manchester.

"It's Manchester, isn't it?" said Azeef. "I'm not yet sure how we will be able to distinguish between the wrath of god origin of rain, and our normal Monday afternoon rain."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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