Written by j.w.
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Topics: Benefits

Friday, 10 January 2014

image for Benefits Street, Surrey
Benefits Street, Surrey

A shocking dramatic picture of the underside of life in a Surrey town near the Thames is to be shown on Channel 4. It is the first in a series of five programmes which will make you sick.

There is Joseph Potty, who works in the City on one day a week making sure his inheritance from his parents is invested properly by his financial advisers AND THEN spends his time on a Golf Course.

'I don't give toss' he told an investigative reporter Own Thomas 'I've never earned any of the money I'm investing but it's mine so I'll do what the fuck I want to do with it.'

Then the there is a landlord who owns 500 properties who obtains rents from only people who are not claiming benefits. 'I'm not a charity' he told the intrepid Owen 'so I'm not risking anything on no hopers. Fancy I might have to work if those sods did not cough up the rent every week.'

An outcry is expected from the rich and famous who are currently experiencing floods in their own backyards on the banks of the flooding Thames.

'If the Government had not destroyed the local authority we would be getting proper flood defences' said Major Cartwright-Jones 'now we will have to pay for them ourselves.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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