Unwanted souvenirs (AKA: Royal crap) celebrating the hatching of the Prince of Darkness Mark 11 (AKA: Prince George) are being flogged orf by Buck House in a huge January sale.
Items including Royal 'made in China' China, trinkets, Royal 'mint' flavoured dissolving condoms, a Royal baby book containing explicit and candid photographs of Kate being impregnated by Prince Haribo, heavily stained Royal tea towels, cracked mugs depicting assorted topless shots of Kate, a loving cup which doubles as an under bed piss-pot and assorted pairs of Kate's own brand scratch n' sniff panties.
Due to piss-poor 'like for like sales' of Royal hatchling merchandise over past years Liz and Phil decided to palm orf as much crap as possible during the current January sales in order to raise money for the next Royal Wedding, expected anytime once one of Prince Haribo's regular sperm recepticles announces she is up the duff!
Thus, the Queens Gallery gift shoppe has been festooned with Royal sale banners 'orffering' up to 90% orf and a free 'private' after hours photo-shoot, for females under 21 years of age, in Phil the Greek's private quarters, clothing optional or by Royal decree.
Meanwhile, rumours abound within Palace circles that due to having had his annual personal allowance cut back by Liz, Phil may be forced to sell his private collection of soiled Royal female underwear, which apparently he keeps under lock and key in his private chambers, in order to meet his upcoming Babe Station and Playboy Channel subscriptions which are due by February 1st.
The much sought after and very hush, hush, collection are said to date back to the 'good old days' and range from a pair of Queen Vic's Knicks, Princess Margaret's Caribbean thongs right through to Fergie's open crotch range, Diana's (very) brief briefs and of course, newbie Kate's agent provocateurs, said to be almost priceless due to the exquisite skid marks therein!
Since screening the initial Royal sale commercials on ITV during Coronation Street on Christmas evening, business appears to be picking up at the Royal Gallery shoppe with a steady stream of rabid Chinese tourist's frantically looking for 'Chinese' made tat to re-import to Shanghai.
According to latest unconfirmed reports Phil's merchandise appears to be doing extremely well with vast numbers of 'watchers' perusing his Ebay listings and already, one firm bid of £25,000 for a pair of Princess Anne's ripped bloomers, circa 1999 from a nameless buyer in Dubai.
Needless to say, Phil is extremely happy with this news and currently busy polishing and erecting his tripod for future out of hour's photo-shoots!