Written by Auntie Jean
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Friday, 3 January 2014

image for Police planning roadside Turkey checks
Not so appetising if you are caught!

Police are planning a zero tolerance campaign to catch people out who have had a turkey dinner after the official deadline of midnight on January 6th.

Highly accurate Turkelyzer kits have been ordered by police forces throughout the U.K. The kits incorporate an automatic taser gun which disorientates the criminals while handcuffs are applied. "We know where you live," said a seasonal meat enforcement officer this morning. "We are determined to drive every turkey dealer off the streets from midnight on the 6th January."

"There is a popular misconception that turkey nuggets are a legal recreational meal and quite openly eat them after the 6th January," said an evening meal policeman last night.

"These nuggets are sold to lead vulnerable people onto turkey and onion sandwiches and before you know it, you could be eating Turkey dinners with sprouts and roast potatoes, even sage and onion stuffing in mid July. I've seen some pretty heartbreaking cases of individuals giving children sprouts and parsnips in February. People end up not washing up properly and using dirty infected knives and forks. They blow the week's housekeeping budget on a couple of turkeys which are mostly gone by Wednesday and end up going cold turkey for the rest of the week."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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