Tests carried out on Scunthorpe Mecca Bingo enthusiasts show a level of Haemorrhoid problems one tenth of the National average. Some link to the curative properties of pork pies from a public house at the rear of the Bingo Hall has been made.
Only the people who eat the pies and are known to kneel down regularly and face Mecca Bingo in the "Tripe and Ale" Inn are Haemorrhoid free.
Thousands of people from all over the North of England have been queueing up to try the cure.
"We can throw away our pile ointment now," said an ex-sufferer yesterday, before adding, "I only wish I'd had more time to come up with something more amusing to say."