Written by IainB
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Monday, 30 December 2013

image for People were less festive this year
An artists impression of the exterior lights and Christmas Decorations going out at Christmas

As Twelfth Night approaches, less people are taking down exterior lights and Christmas decorations than for any year previously, since the invention of exterior lights and Christmas decorations.

"My neighbour always had a magnificent display," said the neighbour of a man who normally had a magnificent display of exterior lights and Christmas decorations. "Some years, it'd dim the street lights. There'd be prancing reindeer, climbing Santas, his entire house looking line a line drawing with every angle having some colour light on it. This year? He had a bulb over the garage, and I think that's normally there anyway."

The same story, with variations in the exact exterior lights and Christmas decorations, is repeated across the county. And sales of exterior lights and Christmas decorations are down seventy-five percent according to Barbara Anne Quail, department head of exterior lights and Christmas decorations an B&Q.

"At first we thought it might be the recession," said Quail. "What with people having no money or anything. But sales of exterior lights and Christmas decorations last year were much higher than this year, and the year before. So it can't be that. We've put all the exterior lights and Christmas decorations on sale now, because nobody will want them until next Christmas - unless we see another fall like this year."

Another seventy-five percent fall in the exterior lights and Christmas decorations market would basically spell the end of the exterior lights and Christmas decorations market, with only those in the trade being able to get hold of them, for Christmas markets and town halls.

Hal O'Gen, manufacturer of three quarters of the bulbs used in exterior lights and Christmas decorations, thinks that urgent research and surveys are required to discover exactly why people aren't buying and displaying exterior lights and Christmas decorations.

"Preferably before next November," he said. "That's traditionally our best season for exterior lights and Christmas decorations bulbs."

However, the neighbour of the neighbour of a man who normally had a magnificent display of exterior lights and Christmas decorations, in other words the man who normally had a magnificent display of exterior lights and Christmas decorations, or Trev as he's called, explained.

"It's dead simple like," said Trev. "The price of electricity's too high, init? I just couldn't afford it like, so I didn't bother. It were the exterior lights and Christmas decorations or the heating. And it's been a bit nippy, like."

So to save the exterior lights and Christmas decorations market, a discount scheme at Christmas is urgently required, or the future of Christmas could be very bleak indeed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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