Written by Backandtotheleft
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Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Back and to the Left news is always at the forefront of investigative reporting after all it was us who uncovered the real killer of Diana. Isn't that right Mr THIS HAS BEEN EDITED DUE TO NATIONAL SECRUITY BREECH?

A group of concerned experts approached Back and to the Left news with a startling petition. Thousands of parents up and down the country believe that the Government is guilty of "immense child neglect" in the fact that they have not done enough to get our kids exercising!

A mother said:

"After years of blaming myself for allowing little Timmy to sit on his fat arse all day playing X-box and eating crisps I find out I can blame the Government. It's easing my conscience knowing that the Government really should be stopping me allowing my kids to become islands of isolation as they exchange real friends for Facebook ones. What can I do to get him exercising? I'm just one woman."

We agreed but judging by the size of her and her son they ate for at least four.

We left the mother and Timmy sitting on their couch like thousands of others just wasting away because our lazy Government can't be bothered to interfere with people lives. We at Back and to the Left news think that there is only one solution to this and no it's not Thunderdome.

The Government should employ a special type of police, their identities would have to remain a secret of course so let's call them the Secret Service. This new Secret Service (SS for short) will be ordered to kick down the doors of any houses where they suspect fat, unhealthy kids may be lurking. They are then ordered to drag their overweight assess to special camps. Camps in which they will be put through gruelling body fitness regimes and through tests designed to improve their concentration (so they will remember what their 5-A-Day is) so we'll call these camps "Concentration Camps". While there they will be forced to wear a sew on patch in the shape of a pie to remind everyone of what a fat cunt they are.

So to appease the masses of parents who wish to relinquish their responsibility in maintaining their children's well being, we will have members of the newly created SS burst into their homes and drag their children off to concentration camps where they will have a patch sewn onto their....hang on we see what's happened here.

Joking aside we at BATTL news are not surprised that parents no longer believe they are responsible for the well being of their own children. The country has fostered a culture of finger pointing because we are now able to claim compensation for "hurt feelings" because of this we no longer need to claim responsibility for our actions. You and you alone should be in charge of your child's health and if you don't want to be then don't fucking breed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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