In a dramatic move to gain the approval of the Chinese Government, David Cameron is offering the Isle of Wight at 'a knock down price' to China.
We understand that several million pounds are being diverted to the Conservative Election Campaign fund and that Chinese restaurants will be obligatory in every Isle of Wight street. Macdonald's is to get the cold shoulder.
Residents of the Island have welcomed the move as it secures their future with another Tory government, although a few dissidents have been found stranded on the Needles after swimming for the mainland.
Chinese Premier Whu Flung Dung declared the British people would be rewarded substantially with a new Tory Government and suggested the close proximity of China to the mainland of Britain could help in maintaining a happy nation, should people devoid of sense try and upset the regime in London.
A Nuclear Power Station in Cowes will be completed by 2030 ensuring Britain's energy needs will be sailing happily into the future.