Sam Allardice has had his last throw and a Carol free Christmas is on the cards for him as struggling West Ham sink into relegation trouble.
The manager is going to get the boot if he doesn't get things sorted by Christmas.
The famous Spoof Football Pundit, Joe Walker, broke into a run to get to our secluded office to give the news.
But who will take his place to save the Hammers from the BIG DROP?
Glenn Hoddle is in the frame. He is embarearsed to learn that he is a friend of Porn King David Sunnyone, the joint owner of the East London outfit.
Our grave vine tells us that Trevor Brooking is ready to take on the task of turning the Bubbles around. His managing career has been short but brilliant and his prestige is renowned in World Football.
There is even a whisper that David Beckham may return to his roots and send the Irons into the former Olympic stadium. Only Victoria is standing in his way but she may have reached her Waterloo!
Big Sam had just one word for us: Pants!
Latest news just in is that West Ham are preparing for a Revolution and massive rebranding with Ravel Morrison's mate Russell Brand a late entry in the Hammers Managers race.
A new style of football at Upton Park is promised.