To quell outrage at yesterday's ludicrous £7600 pay award to MPs, the Chancelry has said that as an alternative to this big wad of cash, they could secretly pick out a domestic slave from a Job Centre queue.
The slave servants would be expected to sing "Ole Man River" at night and address their masters and mistresses subserviently, ending each communication with "Yes Suh Massa Suh!".
Security vans will shovel out the wads of money in bundles of £7600 used notes after "Question Time" next week.
Plans for everyone else to have colossal bundles of extra money for standing up and bullshitting were postponed until after the Government had finished making thousands of career military personnel redundant to pay for MPs third homes in Brussels.
Some MPs are choosing U.S. dollars or gold sovereigns for payment of the windfall.