With the release of ancient photos depicting her Royal Majesty, Queen Liz, prancing around in Pantomime gear circa 1941, younger members of the Royal menagerie have been pressing Liz for a repeat performance.
Seemingly, having taken one look at the upcoming Christmas TV schedules and decided 90% of it is pure crap both Prince Haribo and Prince Wills have approached their dear old Gran and suggested a right Royal Pantomime this year, over and above the usual one. And have arranged for Channel 4 to record the entire show unedited, thus proving that the Royals are ordinary arseholes under the pomp and circumstance vaneer.
Her Maj is said to be thrilled with the idea having never forgotten how 'excited' she had become, way back in 1941, when her Panto bloomers began to chafe her extremities and cause her to orgasm, not once but thrice!Sadly a performance never repeated during her married life with the Greek!
Having gathered various members of the Royal clan together over a KFC Family Bucket Liz invited suggestions as to just what Panto they should perform once she has mimed her way through the customary Christmas speech.
After a few hours of belching, farting, hiccupping and wiping of greasy fingers on the drapes behind closed doors it has been decided that Snow White and The 7 Dwarfs will be dusted orf and duly presented in the main lounge of Buck House immediately after dinner and before Eastenders comes on.
Liz has opted for the role of the evil stepmother due to her life long experience dealing with every Tom, Harry and the occasional Dick-when she was younger- and is also in charge of casting.
First up the 7 dwarves themselves, in no particular order as Mr Schofield would say, they are as follows:
Dopey Prince Andrew
Happy Prince Charles
Sneezy Peter Philips (grandson)
Bashful Edward earl of wessex
Grumpy Princess Anne
Doc Duchess Of York
Sleepy Phil the Greek
Other characters are as follows:
The Huntsman Prince William
Mirror on the Wall Camilla Farting-Bowels
Snow White Kate
The Prince Prince Haribo
Village VirginS Eugenie & Beatrice
In keeping with today's 'yooful' image the two Princes' have insisted on a more non-PC risqué version of this time honoured fairy tale and have cajoled her Majesty into letting Jim (she said she was 18 guv'!) Davidson write the script. Thus, there will be an element of semi-nudity in the Panto, especially when the Prince gets his leg over the sleeping Princess and attempts to give her one while she is sleeping in her see through negligee. Indeed, the Huntsman will be cavorting about in the 'woods' with his large chopper in his hand, Grumpy with be depicted as a transsexual, Happy will be seen snorting and talking to the tree's and last but not least, Snow White.
Far from being the angelic and innocent lass as depicted in countless adaptations of this timeless story today's modern Snow White will be depicted as an insatiable vixen intent on having her wicked way with anything in trousers, especially Prince Haribo (in or out of character) and taking part in a gangbang with the dwaves.A case of life imitating art as they say in showbiz circles!
Strong language is to be expected throughout the entire performance and is not necessarily attributed to Mr Davidson's script as the Royal's at large are frequently heard to swear like troopers, especially Phil the Greek when he treads in the Corgi dog shit.
The entire performance is expected to last somewhere in the region of two hours and will be attended by a star studded galaxy of dignitaries and celebrities including the Beckham's, Do-nothing-Dave and his squeeze, Samcam, Little Eddie Millipeed, Ed Ballup, the cast from TOWIE and, if back in time, the survivors from GMOOHIAC plus that intrepid Australasian explorer, Anton Dec.It is possible that Tom Daly will turn up in order to shout out those immortal lines, "watch out, he's up your behind!" or words to that effect.
It is expected that Nigella Lawson will be in attendance to assist with the refreshments and distribution of 'artificial snow' in order to give the entire proceedings a truly out of this world experience for one and all.