The prime minister's recently ordered concrete block artificial reef barrier on a stretch of the Isle of Wight coast has infuriated Spanish dictator Supermario Rahoy.
"This is an exclusive Spanish fishing ground for a proud Spanish native who lives on the the Isle of Wight!" Rahoy screamed this morning. "The party is over! We will be causing eight hour queues at all Isle of Wight tobacconists. Just because we can!"
"It's been declared illegal by the EU," he raved from "The Eagles Lair" on a mountain in the Madrid Alps. "The Isle of Wight was captured by the glorious Spanish Armada before it was hopelessly lost. The Isle of Wight is not going to be recognised by me now and I won't talk to it and neither will Mrs. Dictator."
David Cameron dismissed his comments as "absolutely terrifying for the British public" and went on to do nothing about it.