Having scared most of the subservient and docile British nation nigh shitless with continued high prices, wage freezes, never-ending phoney austerity cuts and the threat of millions of knife wielding Roma Gypsies about to invade what's left of Blighty, part-time Prime Minister Do-nothing-Dave has been getting bored of late.
Not content with a few days holiday break in Asia piss balling about doing nothing at taxpayer's expense as usual, Dave had been wondering what he can inflict upon the nation next, in order to divert their attention away from more important issues, like UK poverty, the ailing NHS and the nigh collapse of Great Britain as anyone new it.
Noting it had been a pretty slow Newsweek in his absence he has made a hasty call to the UK Meteorological office and asked them to predict some Armageddon style weather, always guaranteed to cause widespread panic and thus divert attention from his never ending Machiavellian scheming.
True to form the Met Office has wheeled out numerous day-to-day predictions of hell on earth, ranging from a 'life threatening' 4 inches of snow, heavy rain, sub-Siberian temperatures and possibly….more stronger-than-usual breezes! Most of which are the norm in Great Britain for this time of the year, especially in Scotland of course.
The thought of having eyebrows resembling Albino caterpillars whilst negotiating the weekly shop on skis has had the desired effect seemingly, with Tesco reporting a slight increase in sales after a very sluggish year of price fixing! A spokesperson for the company, Frank Enstein told our intrepid reporter "Sales are up as people start hoarding items during this semi-dire weather and we are able to up our prices as demand grows, needless to say, we are delighted and hope to give those damn Huns at Lidl and Aldi a good thrashing!"