Written by CaptainSausage

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Topics: Dorking, Invasion, ww2

Sunday, 24 November 2013

image for Dorking commemorates Nazi invasion
Dorking residents celebrate the end of WW2 in 1957

Today, residents of Dorking were asked to fly flags from their windows at half-mast to commemorate the invasion of their town by Germans on this day in 1940. Those who did not have flags were asked to leave their wheelie-bins half full instead.

There are few people left alive who remember the "ghost" invasion of November 1940. However, many locals were affected by the aftermath and it continues to have an impact even today.

It began on a quiet wintry Sunday morning when Dorking church bells rang out repeatedly - the signal to warn locals that a German attack had begun. Upon hearing the bells, the town mayor Jethro Local immediately followed his long-prepared invasion defence plan and ordered the town into a lockdown. All telephone lines were cut, the town's only railway line was blown up, and hit squads were sent to the boundaries, prepared to shoot anyone who dared approach.

That was the beginning of what is now only referred to as "The Dark Age" in Dorking. It was 1957 before outsiders were finally, after several failed attempts, able to fully re-establish contact with the town and inform Dorkingites that there had been no invasion. They were shocked when they learned the full truth, and many residents were left traumatised. A majority of elderly townspeople are still sceptical that the war actually ended.

The invasion and its aftermath were commemorated in a low-key ceremony at the town hall. It featured a small parade by Dorking's Home Guard, led by local UKIP MP Kenneth Britain, who laid flowers at the mass grave of the 7000 victims of the Dark Age. "We will never forget them," he said. "Of course, I don't mean literally, because we don't know their names or who they were. But, you know..."

Mr Britain then used the occasion to make a short speech to explain his ongoing suspicions about German motives in the EU. "Angela Merbbels says she doesn't have any more territorial claims in Europe and that we will shall peace in our time. But we've all heard that before, haven't we!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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