Wait for it - Prepare yourself. It is going to be COLD this winter!
Spoof's meter logical expert has been up on the roof of our vast headquarters - somewhere in the UK - and tells us that the logic of his meter is quite clear: It is going to be COLD!!!
The Government is stepping in by sending as many old people out of hospital as possible so they can enjoy the weather at home, thus freeing up hospital beds for people who really need help.
Health Minister Jeremy Runt - at least I think that's what his name is in polite circles - has advised those over 75 to make sure they vote Conservative at the next election as 'we will know how you cast your vote thanks to General Charles Hamilton Quince (the famous GCHQ).'
Grannies for the Government, a new charity established by Baroness Bilge, has arranged reduced funeral expenses for those pensioners who book their funerals early.